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I had a strange thing happen a couple of weeks ago. I got called into Jury duty.
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No, that's not the strange thing. The strange thing is that I had extreme anxiety after being tapped for jury selection on a criminal case.
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It was 100% irrational but forced me to do some soul searching, and here's what I found out.
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I'm condensing a lot of what was going on in my head, but essentially, my brain was in major flight mode because it couldn't figure out a way to "please" everyone in the room. I was being judged on how I looked, what I said, and opinions on subjects we were required to share, and I had no idea what the "right" answers were.
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My brain didn't know what to do with all this, so it kind of short-circuited. It couldn't take all the pieces of the puzzle and put them together in a way that had me coming out winning.
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Turns out, this anxiety was a gift because it put a spotlight on a couple of things:
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1) Through my work, I've spent decades charming clients- and I'm really good at it. I can read a room or a person in less than 5 seconds and know exactly how to reflect emotions/mood back or shift the energy if required. (If you're into Myers-Brigg I'm an INFP, and this is a superpower of that type.)
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2) I'd never really thought about point #1 until now, and this experience allowed me to see that it's become an unhealthy form of people-pleasing. No matter what I say, wear, or do, I can't control the way anybody feels or thinks about me. Nobody can. And, news flash, it's totally fine if people don't like me. (Shocking, I know)
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You could be the best mental gymnast in the world, pick the safest, most politically correct things to say, and somebody's still not going to like the color of your shirt, the way you pluck your eyebrows or the way you pronounce your "o's."
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All this to say... I've put in my application for the #dontgiveashitclub and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Wanna join me?

No matter how much my day-to-day eating habits change (and move away from my “meat and potatoes” Iowa upbringing) my love for old steak houses (and the midwest version- supper clubs) never wains.
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Happy 100th birthday @mussoandfranks. You’ll always be one of my favs. I always know I can count on you for a perfect martini. (among many other things)
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#mussoandfrank #hollywood #losangelesfood #losangelesfoodie #foodphotographer #foodstylist #foodtographyschool

The creative process never stops. Maybe that's why I like it so much.
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Was just looking through some images I did for fun and experimentation and found this. I made the tabletop from some reclaimed boards and pulled blooming mint from the garden. The popsicles are a little frostbitten, but that's ok. They were an experiment too- with some lychee fruit I found at the market weeks earlier. I forgot they were in the freezer and by the time I pulled them out for this shot, I couldn't remember what else I used to make them. So you'll have to forgive me, there's no recipe to accompany them {Cherries and coconut milk maybe?}
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This is what it's like to be a creative. Always playing and rediscovering the breadcrumbs that lead to new things.
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I'm not sure what my "playtime" will look like this weekend, but I do know it will be desert themed. Headed off to Joshua Tree for a few days, and can't wait to see what I get up to there. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What kind of trouble are you stirring up this weekend?

I started a garden this summer. And I've kinda gone down the rabbit hole. Totally hooked. The only problem? I've had the smallest yield of produce in the history of backyard gardening. 😂
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My herbs are going strong, but as for the rest... so far I've gotten 2 tiny banana peppers, one zucchini, 2 baby watermelon about the size of a softball, and a handful of cherry tomatoes. Yep. That's it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Things are growing, sure. But there are not a lot of "fruits of my labor" happening.
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I'm hooked nonetheless. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Mostly because now I've learned a lot about what not to do, and how I can improve in the future. In fact, I've started the second round of plants, and things are starting to look up. 🌱
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The other morning as I was doing my daily garden inspection/ sipping coffee routine, I realized gardening is teaching me a lot about entrepreneurship. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In my business, I tend to avoid things that might make me look dumb. Like I don't know what I'm doing. I play it safe. Stick with what I know. What's been tested. Even if it's not what's best for me. And if something doesn't work out the way I expected or wanted it to, I shove that thing DEEP in the back cupboard. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But what if that thing I abandoned so quickly and easily just needed a little more compost in the soil, or a nudge 2 feet to the left to get better light? What if a second dose of (all organic) fertilizer would have greened it up and put it over the hump?
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Having 1000% trust that someday my counter will be overflowing with produce I grew with my own two hands has oddly given me 1000% trust that I can build a new business that's overflowing too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It just takes the right combination of soil, sun, water, nutrients, and care. Oh, and the most important ingredient: the willingness to plant a seed even if it never bears fruit. Otherwise known as the willingness to fail.
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So what are you waiting for? The sooner you have a shitty season, the sooner you'll have an unbelievable season. Let's go!

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